Around April earlier this year, I was fortunate enough to attend a workshop called The Beautiful Art of Balance, created by my sweet friend Shannon Ho. The workshop was Christ focused and had allotted quiet time with God ( which I had been absent from due to my busy ‘I own my own business’ working hours) this specific quiet time we were inspired to be ‘expectant and waiting on the Lord’ for him to speak to us, to be quiet and listen, instead of being full of requests.
I literally couldn’t remember the last time I had done that, if ever.
So I listened to my worship playlist I had created and sat quietly, writing all the thoughts that ran through my head. My little journal soon looked like a jumbled mess, which wasn’t a big surprise, Josh says I’m great at ‘ water falling’. Soon enough the thoughts of ‘The Plan’ starting running though my head. Since we were married, Josh and I have always been on ‘the 5 year plan’, we knew the pressure would be on, both of us being the oldest children in our families to have little ones, and we wanted to make sure our families didn’t get over anxious. ( they did anyway… love you guys!….)
During this quiet time, God kept telling me that it wasn’t my choice, there was never a perfect time to have a child, I needed to give up on ‘the plan’. At first I was hesitant, I’ve always wanted kids but the unknown has always freaked me out a little.What if we have an emergency and a huge NICU bill? What if our house is never cute enough or big enough and I can’t take cute photos of my kids in it? ( yes that was a real worry) What if I literally, never in my life have a body I’m proud of? What if Josh dies and I have to do this alone?
There was no solution to any of these problems, no possible plan I could come up with.
No solution except to be obedient to what God was asking of me. Obedience brings blessing, disobedience brings discipline. I fully believe this heart and soul.
He was asking me to give up my worries, my stress, and my plan, to him.
I put it off. I put it off a week, and felt absolutely sick about it. Josh and I went over it, prayed over it, and finally decided to follow God’s word.
We were now on the no plan, plan, or God’s plan, plan. It was scary, exciting, and nerve wracking.
It took 5 months. That’s all. I knew in my heart the week before we took a test that it was real. We were both super nervous to see the results. Josh even came home from basketball practice early to get our nerves over with! I videoed the reaction I promise, and did so everyone’s reactions pretty much as we got to tell our families over thanksgiving about the new addition to come June of next year.
Through everything though, it still hasn’t really hit me. I mean sure, I’m super crazy tired, am the pickiest eater ever now, and get a little sick every now and then. Seeing the live ultra sound and hearing the heart beat got me a little closer, but it’s just crazy hard to believe that in about 195 days Josh and I will be parents, and get to be constantly entertained by the amazing blessing God has given us.
I pray almost non stop for a health. Lots of my family has joined that prayer now, so I feel better.
So here we go, trusting God to carry us every step of the way.
Please continue to pray for our little family. Pray for health, financial stability, our relationship when my hormones make me cranky, for us to continue to follow where God leads us, and know when he is speaking.
I am so thankful and in awe of the response of excitement that our announcement produced. We are so fortunate to have such amazing people in our lives who celebrate with us every step of the way.
Photos by Amanda Watson Photography